What is it That Drives a Stalker?
The 2024 hit series ‘Baby Reindeer’ has brought to public consciousness the topic of stalking. BTC takes a closer look at why someone might behave in this way.
I was once the unintended victim of violence by a stalker. A woman came into a restaurant where I was at dinner with a well-known actor friend; after having followed him in. She approached us, pushed me over backwards in my chair, throwing me to the floor then pushed the entire table of food over on top of me. She screamed that I was taking my friend away from her. I was naturally very upset, angry and quite condemning of her ‘insanity’ as I phrased it at the time. My friend’s response however puzzled me. He pondered, “I wonder what happened to make her like that?” And it is this that has puzzled me for decades – what is it that causes people to have delusional beliefs about celebrities they don’t even know? I’m going to explore reasons for this sort of stalking behaviour and consider what might be done about it.
Singers have ‘fans’ - a word I cannot use without unease: it stems from the word ‘fanatic’ which the Oxford English Dictionary describes thus: ‘a person filled with excessive and single-minded zeal, especially for an extreme religious or political cause: e.g. - religious fanatics.’ The word originally meant ‘made mad by the gods.’
A word common amongst fandoms is ‘Stan;’ “I Stan One Direction,” one might say. The origin of this usage is even more bizarre: ‘an overzealous or obsessive fan of a particular celebrity.’ This term derives from the Eminem & Dido collaboration, ‘Stan,’ from 2000, in which a story is told about a man, Stan, who initially finds comfort from his hero: ‘your picture on my wall/ It reminds me, that it's not so bad…’ Stan goes on to suspect the lack of response from his hero is as a result of post office delays but as the song progresses he becomes increasingly critical of the lack of acknowledgement: ‘ I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans.’ He becomes angry and irrational, with his delusion taking over: ‘I loved you - we could've been together, think about it/ You ruined it now.’ The song ends with impulsive acts of violence as a result of Stan’s impaired thinking. If you don’t know the song - check it out! It’s quite disturbing but extremely clever, both conceptually and structurally.
It is true that people in the public eye have had their share of problematic fans or stans.
In the early months of 2024, we read about a stalker hounding Harry Styles who was tried and sentenced in court. This type of behaviour is reprehensible; we were horrified on Harry’s behalf and condemned the perpetrator – quite rightly – no one should be subject to harassment of any sort, let alone something that makes someone feel unsafe.
Myra Carvalho, aged 35, travelled from Brazil to London where over the course of her time in London, wrote over 8000 cards to Harry. These included wedding cards and notes which described sexual feelings for him. She also ordered a series of cards for him which were delivered to his home. Let’s look at that number again: 8000! That is around 260 each day. The amount of effort and time this must have taken is staggering and baffles us.
She is not the only stalker Harry has had targeting at him at home. In 2019 he was stalked by Diana Oreo Tarazaga, a 29-year old that he attempted to help because she was homeless. His efforts and kindness through buying food was disregarded as Tarazaga’s actions escalated - grabbing Harry whilst he was out running and delivering notes to his home. Although Harry obtained a restraining order, this was broken when the perpetrator broke into his home causing damage and resulting in a terrified Harry having to secure his home via a selection of security methods, including employing a night guard and placing a panic lock on his bedroom door.
Harry had already experienced intrusion into his privacy during his time in One Direction but when a violation takes place at home - a place that should be private and secure from an unwanted intrusion - an incident like this became even more disturbing – the victim feels that nowhere is safe for them.
But what is it that drives people to behave in a way that virtually all of us would describe as delusional?
In 1885 the French psychiatrist Gautier De Clérambault described and gave his name to a condition he observed in his patients where they became infatuated with someone famous or of a higher social status whom they believed was in love with them.
The condition is more often called ‘erotomania’ today. It is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: fifth edition (DSM-5) as a delusional disorder. Sometimes the delusional person erroneously believes messages are being conveyed; De Clérambault described a woman who believed King George V was talking to her via the twitching of curtains at Buckingham Palace, for example.
Delusions of this nature differ from generalised infatuation because an infatuated person will understand the lack of reciprocity from the object of their affections. Many people experience infatuation, particularly during their teenage years. Erotomania on the other hand, is coupled with a fixed and unswerving belief in a perceived relationship between the victim and perpetrator. As such, it is a mental disorder, which therefore requires medical attention.
This kind of psychological condition must be profoundly debilitating for the sufferer – clearly their view of the world is affected by their condition both socially and economically - and it is not uncommon for jobs, families and social responsibilities to be neglected in favour of the fixation.
We see this when people travel to visit the object of their delusion or hiding from their family or friends what is going on in their mind – the boyfriend of Carvalho had no idea of her delusional thoughts about Harry Styles and her parents had no idea that she had even left the country. In court, they wept openly with shame and distress for their mentally ill daughter as the extent of her irrational behaviour was made clear.
Does the person with erotomania know that they are exhibiting abnormal behaviour?
Unfortunately - and this is the case for many mentally unwell people - this is unlikely to be evident to them unless they are confronted with the consequences. Most of us might recognise when we are depressed or more anxious than usual even if this is coupled with unlikelihood’s. I suffer from Anxiety Disorder and I have warned people around me that when I am particularly anxious, I am likely to bring up apocalyptic topics of conversation, but for a person with erotomania such self-awareness is not evident.
What causes erotomania? There are several possible causes – a natural genetic propensity perhaps, or it might be a symptom of other disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or an extension of drug or alcohol dependency where tendency to addiction is exhibited not only in the need for substances, but in an addictive personality also.
It might also be caused by damage to the brain via an undiagnosed brain tumour or a brain injury sustained at any point in the person’s life. It is certainly true that traumatic brain injury can impact one’s behaviour. in 2019 64% of female prisoners in Drake Hall prison reported a history which indicated brain injury. In 2016 the Centre for Mental Health estimated that 60% of adult offenders had a history of multiple injuries leading to a cumulative impact on the brain and an increased tendency to violent and irrational behaviour. It is possible that anyone who has suffered falls, been in fights or been a victim of childhood physical abuse might be suffering from undiagnosed traumatic brain injury leading to abnormal and antisocial behaviour as a result. Some people with erotomania might fall into this category, particularly if they have grown up in abusive childhoods.
Whatever the cause, it remains clear that people with erotomania require medical assistance and help in dealing with their condition, otherwise the necessary changes in their behaviour are unlikely to take place. If someone stalks a celebrity but believes there is nothing abnormal about their behaviour, they are unlikely to make a change or even desire the change to occur.
In adolescent crushes - explained perhaps by the changes in the developing brain and the awakening of sexual attraction - this usually is a passing phase and as teenagers grow, they find themselves increasingly attracted to people amongst their peer group.
For people suffering with erotomania, this is not the case. A teenage crush might develop or as they get older, they will become fixated on another unobtainable individual where their ‘love’ goes unrequited; it does not end as one enters adulthood, becoming instead a pathological condition where there is a belief in a reciprocated relationship. Both of Harry‘s stalkers mentioned previously were past the adolescent phase, at 35 and 29 years old respectively.
So, what can be done to assist the person with erotomania? In many cases the condition remains completely unknown to the person with it and to medical professionals as well because their behaviour does not manifest itself criminally.
If a person were to write a secret diary to the subject of their affections but not do anything more severe, this might be one way I can think of that might constitute this otherwise ‘functional’ type of erotomania.
It becomes a problem when the condition results in an impaired judgement and reduced impulse control. Unlike Carvalho, a person with a normal sense of propriety would understand that once one card had been sent, that would be the time to stop. When sentencing Myra Carvalho to 14 weeks imprisonment and imposing a 10-year banning order on her approaching Harry Styles, the judge told her that she should have known that her actions would cause serious distress to Harry. I am not sure that this is true. Personally, I should have sent her back home to Brazil, extricating her from the situation and placing her far away from Harry, as well as imposing the 10-year banning order. I probably would not have sent her to prison.
Her barrister told the court, that she was experiencing a manic episode, hinting at a pre-existing psychiatric condition. So – for someone with erotomania, are they actually aware of the distress they are causing? The answer is, that if the condition remains untreated - probably not.
Even though the condition cannot be cured, it can be minimised so as to cause minimal suffering and because of its links to psychotic delusion, antipsychotic drugs might be the answer. In many cases this is the first step in a longer course of treatment as it can reduce delusional thinking by preventing it from increasing in intensity. A better way of treating the condition is through long-term psychotherapy, helping the person with the condition to recognise triggers for this behaviour and teaching them not to act on impulsive behaviour or carrying out any actions which target their victim.
It is also important for any medication to be administered correctly; if as the barrister stated, Carvalho was suffering from a manic episode, her condition was not being properly medicated if at all, leading to unpredictable behaviour and a damaging lack of impulse control.
People with erotomania are not always aggressive or violent, of course but on occasion, their impaired judgement does indeed lead to violence or actions with destructive consequences. Regularly the papers are full of Kanye West’s inexplicable and occasionally violent actions – his former trainer called security when he believed he was being stalked and followed by the singer. John Hinckley Jr was believed to have an erotomanic fixation on the actress Jodie Foster and in 1981 he shot and wounded American President Ronald Reagan in an attempt to impress her.
In 1980 John Lennon, one of the Beatles, was shot dead by Mark Chapman who was believed to suffer from erotomania: he believed that he and Lennon were destined to be together. Popular culture has also addressed the condition: a Netflix series ‘You,’ and an Amazon Prime series, ‘Swarm’ had characters with erotomania, but it is the current hit series ‘Baby Reindeer’ that has thrust the topic into the forefront of people’s minds.
‘Baby Reindeer’ has become the unlikely and unexpected hit of 2024. Richard Gadd, the writer and star of the series, created a compelling drama about the rarely discussed issue of initially harmless women stalking men. In isolation each act is not criminal – sending a card to someone causes no harm of course – but as part of a cumulative series of actions, it could be viewed as behaviour which constitutes stalking.
Netflix has promoted ‘Baby Reindeer’ as factually accurate, and the stars have been on television across the world, promoting this unlikely hit drama. The tabloid press sought out Fiona Harvey, the woman around whom the drama was based, and she has spoken in an hour-long interview, to the journalist Piers Morgan, where she refuted the claims, branding Gadd a liar and claiming he fabricated events for dramatic effect. She will be suing both Gadd and Netflix through the courts for what she says is a defamatory portrayal.
I watched this interview with interest; it will certainly be easy to prove whether or not Harvey sent 40,000 emails as has been claimed, because these will still be in existence. As an observer, it appeared to me that Fiona Harvey was telling the truth as she saw it. I don’t believe she sent 40,000 emails but I was left with the impression that she had had more contact with Gadd than she affirmed. To me, she presented as largely convincing. I believe she was telling the truth – at least the truth as she saw it.
Which version of events is factual might have to be determined in court: either Gadd and Netflix have much maligned Harvey and she is due considerable compensation for reputational damage - or she was, at one time, a stalker. If the latter is true, it could be that she was suffering from erotomania and if so, she might not have been aware of the effects of her actions. This is why I believe she is telling the truth as she sees it, but this may not necessarily be what actually took place.
Although Fiona Harvey was not particularly violent, in extreme cases, people with erotomania do exhibit violent behaviour: if someone has attempted to break into a house, this behaviour becomes threatening to life, and we saw this in the case of Harry Styles. Our first thought must be to halt the perpetrator’s actions so that the victim is protected – to feel unsafe when at home or in one’s locality is terrifying, and the psychological trauma experienced by victims can be devastating.
It is also important that the person suffering from erotomania is also helped with their delusion through awareness, diagnosis and treatment; if they remain untreated and don’t necessarily believe their actions to be criminal, they are unlikely to behave differently in the future.
From my research, I have come to understand that it is unlikely the condition can abate completely, but through comprehension that it is in fact, a medical condition - a medical disorder of the mind and not essentially borne of a desire to inflict harm - maybe we can assist and encourage those around us to seek specialist medical help if their behaviour becomes concerning. And in this way, we can protect each other and those in the public eye whom we support.
BTC Editor 2
https://amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/apr/19/harry-styles-stalker-jailed-myra-carvalho
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/eminem/stan.html
https://www.verywellmind.com/erotomania-signs-symptoms-treatment-examples-in-pop-culture-7556088
https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-erotomania
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/erotomania/
Netflix: Baby Reindeer series
https://www.netflix.com/title/81219887
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mK-isQXd_Qw&pp=ygUacGllcnMgbW9yZ2FuIGJhYnkgcmVpbmRlZXI%3D
Add comment
Comments